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"I educate the youth of America. I'm delusional as a Mad Hatter. You think I have any character?"
~Ashallond on himself
Ashallond's custom avatar.
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First Show: July 8th, 2005
He is a math teacher in real life just like larzdapunk and Jezebelle. There are only 10 people in the world who understand binary, and Ashallond is the other one. This is his job as he describes it "My job is to tell children that they're dumb without using the phrase 'you're dumb', also I teach numbers"
On rare occasions, "Mrs. Ash" may be coerced into sharing the mic w/ Ashallond, though she fails to see the attraction and attention of Ashallond's listeners (according to Ashallond - its because she has boobs)
Ashallond and Mrs Ash is expecting a girl. Until the sex was determined, there was a minor movement to name her "Ash-at". Ashallond was quick to quell that suggestion, and the current conscientious is "Baby Ash".
He also has the Party Hammock™ that he hangs up in /radio sometimes. It's very comfy and it is boundless. An infinite number of people could easily fit. As long as you ask nicely, He'll probably let you join the fun. He also has an electric force field around the hammock to keep ruffians, like Fineldar, out. Contrary to popular belief, "Party Hammock" does not refer to the non-stop party inside Ash's pants.
Ashallond collects stars because of his dream to be an astronomer (although he's still behind Neko_chan314 <and always being pwn'd <3 neko>) and rubber emo roes because he likes the description.
He also had the "luck" to be DJ'ing when the Great Disabling was going on in teh flurry of multies for teh millionth account occured.
Ashallond (#67689) is the best DJ on Radio KOL. He has shows on Friday 7-10 pm EST and Sunday 5-8 pm. All shows except the Sunday shows are called "Detention" and feature an eclectic mix of rock, grunge, alternative, classical, techno, trance, metal, video game music, remixes, and comedy. Contests are frequent and a song must not be crap (see Bananaphone, J-pop, or Beck) to be played. Note: There is absolutely no sex allowed in detention! (Unless the teacher is allowed to participate)
Besides the regular music shows, he also has a State of the Kingdom show on Sundays where he answers questions and talks about the game. You can download recordings of the show, hosted by Wombatillim - State of the Kingdom Archive
On Tuesday, May 15 Ashallond hosted a Radio Kol show from 8 to 11 PM, celebrating his 3rd anaverisry, on that day, Ashallond took all his random expensive crap, and gave it all away to peoples in contests from making art/bump/song parody, to editing his radiowiki page, and other contests that he pulled out of his ass. On the Ides of May, he changed RadioKol forever, by having a show on a day and time that he doesn't usually have. *gasp*
As of this time, Ashallond has not announced the winner of his grand prize, but the winner is expected to be Ricket(#119911), due to Ricket's associations/pacts with the RNG and Chatbot, and the fact that the Kingdom will most likely experience another server meltdown if Ricket does not win.
Where to Send Stuff
- Send all donations, contest prizes, etc. to DJAshallond (#560999) in the game.
- Send any requests to the nice gmail account listed over there in the Bio.
- Send any stars, star charts, moonglasses, or rubber emo roes to Ashallond. (#67689)
- Send all pictures of males to AiluroDragon
- Send any questions via K-mail to Ashallond's "State of the Kingdom" segment to Teachers Assistant (#1005959). Questions solicited are game related, though Ashallond may respond to other questions (such as "How do you mine4fish?" - He loves that question).
- DJAshallond (#560999) is a bit of an unusual character. He bears some resemblance to Ash, but he has a severe drinking problem and is prone to random, frat boy-esque behavior in /radio, often making loud, distruptive and sometimes painful entrances. He also has a tendency to run into the only low support beam in /radio (Which will be fixed one of these days). If you type badly in chat, he will unsolidify from his gargoyalesqe resting state and unleash his shotgun of WAnGs at you. Noob.
- Teachers Assistant (#1005959) collects Ashallond's questions via k-mail for his "State of the Kingdom Segment".
- Ashallond has an softcore ascension multi named Darkeagle (#159833) whom he abuses constantly. Darkeagle declined from being interviewed for this wiki page, however. Darkeagle has completed too many ascensions and at present time has all skills softcore permanent. So he is farming stuff for a while to replenish his stockpiles that he used up when he ran all those runs.
Ashallond's fans are called Ashallords and Ashalladies. There is no application process to become an Ashallord/lady, but you must respect the head Ashallord, glEbs and the head Ashallady, fellow DJ Lillith. It also expected that you state your allegiance to the cult..err fan club of Ashallond at least once in /radio chat.
Ash has done a few different interesting contests, most of which involves art. Here's a link to a few of them.
Superhero Contest (For an Astral Badger) 
Ashallond's 1 Year Anniversary Extravaganza Drunkenfest Gathering Thingie Contest 
AlBassoon/Ashallond Art/Bump Contest 
Ashallond's OxyCore Loop Art Contest 
But don't think the radio exists to give you shit. It doesn't.
Ashallond is..well, an art whore. And if anyone can put a few on this page in this section...Let me know and I'll tell you which ones.
Some pictures of his can be found on photobucket. 
Random Ashallond Facts
Ashallond earned a 30th level trophy, then ascended without purchasing it.
- time to start the discordian auto-Fnorder: Fnord Fnord Fnord Fnord Fnord Fnord Fnord Fnord Fnord Fnord Fnord Fnord Fnord... ending Fnorder, Hail Eris!!!
- Ash was one of the first DJs I ever heard, back when I was new. Not only did I like his music, but he knew about the game, a trait I haven't seen in other DJs. He was the one who convinced me to go hardcore. And because of that, I am now doing 6 day HC runs. Thanks, Ashallond!
- Ash plays diverse music and I enjoy listening to his witty/funny/fair remarks towards what the active listeners are saying. From this point on I will be an avid listener in the Detention room.
- Ash is a fucking awesome dj and none of the other djs are even close to his awesomness
- Ashallond is awesome even if he likes Arkansas football. :) I met him at Arkanstock before he was a DJ, and hired him as soon as I could! I was so excited to have him come aboard so that math teachers can take over the radio! Muhahahaha. :) And he also plays good musics and I like his voice. */Fangirl*
- Ashallond is cool, and doesn't yell at me as much as the other DJs. He also plays some of the only techno music I can stand. But don't think he only plays techno music. Ashallond is all for variety. He kicks asses from all sorts of different angles.
- Ash makes me think twice about sending my kids to detention. I mean, come on, it's supposed to be a punishment, right?
- Ashallond is, without even the slimmest shadow of a doubt, the angriest black woman on Radio KoL today.
- Ash is my favorite teacher. I always "learn my lesson" from him. He is a fair and wise disciplinarian. Just watch out for that ruler. Also, he plays good tunes, writes custom term papers and his rants are amazing!
- Ash is one of my favorite math teachers, he's funny as hell, he has great tastes in music, and he knows how to voice his opinion without looking like a asshat, which isn't that rare, but combined with his attractive voice (I'm not allowed to call it sexy anymore) it's amazing! Keep up the good work, and don't leave KoL for the Ashbaby. KoL comes first!
- Ashallond is a teacher on a mission, if you do not obey, oh god, your screwed. But if you do your homework, you will be a happy camper...more like student, yeah a happy student. So sit in your chair up right, be prepared for class and study, then you will get an gold star in radiomanship. Also you will also here the great music and his sense of humor will rock back to kindergarten
- Ashallond is the one who hosts contests with mental conditions, beware, his insanity may be contagious.
- Ashallond's shows are fraggin' hilarious. I wish my Quizbowl Coach or Math teacher were a DJ. Man, I'd skip studying for an AP test to listen to his show... wait... that's what I'm doing.
- Little Known Fact: While He received a perfect 36 (or 32) on his Math ACT score, He only recieved a 6 (or 3) on his English.
- If my math teacher were like Ashallond, I'd actually like math. =] He has some really good music. Overall, I really like his shows.
WARNING: Intentional misuse of RadioKOL by deliberately concentrating, sniffing, or inhaling can be harmful. Do not use while operating Heavy Machinery. Repeated use may cause drowsiness, shortness of breath, dizziness, and blurred vision. Also, do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. May cause rectal bleeding. If itchy rashes persist, consult your doctor, physician, or pygmy bugbear shaman. RadioKOL is not edible. Do not use as a sexual aid. If RadioKOL is exposed to any open sores, immediately rinse with holy water. Do not operate while in a moving vehicle. If it catches fire, do not inhale the toxic fumes that will be generated as RadioKOL burns. Do not look directly at RadioKOL. Not a valid form of currency. Monetary value 1/100th of a cent. Extensive use may result in mental openness, a desire to hear good music, and infertility. If RadioKOL is broken open, stand clear of the chemicals contained within, as they will burn their way through the ground into the earth's core.