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Music you will hear (list subject to expansion)

ELP, Pink Floyd, Beethoven, Bach, Kim Lembo, Stories by Paul Cooley, Welcome To Night Vale The Novel

Weird Al is OK if it's NOT a food song

Please limit requests to 3 songs and 25Mb. (Certain exceptions apply - PostModernJukebox, Kate Davis, Jody Lynscott unlimited)


Music you will NOT hear (list subject to expansion)

Most rap, most mashups

If I don't like it, I will destroy it. If you make it a habit of sending stuff I don't like, you might earn a baleet.

Stuff that is NOT music

I will talk about US taxes and tax related issues. This may be quite boring for those not in the US, and for that I must apologize in advance. I will NOT give out incorrect information INTENTIONALLY, but it is possible that I will unintentionally. Do not use any tax advice I give without double, triple, or even quadruple checking using your own research and/or asking others.


Criswell wants to be generous but does not want to be taken advantage of. No multi-abuse. Each contest is limited to one win per player. I can split your prize among two accounts if you choose.

Call Me Criswell

There are clues on this page. Follow them. Find my REAL name, REAL address, and REAL phone number. Call me. Leave your KOL player name (correct spelling and player number will help). You win 10,001 meat. I will call you back. "I will troll you so hard." - Carslyle "Are you sure it won't be the other way round?" - Criswell

Paul Cooley's Graveyard

Expose yourself to Paul Cooley, become a character in one of his future stories, get your name in his "graveyard", you win 10,001 meat

Criswell's Bribe

Make me a bump. I'd prefer you to include something like "This is ______________(Your KOL name)and you're listening to Radio KOL where a Criswell is him and a ___________________________________(fill in the blank) is you." but after that anything goes.

First Tier - The first 10 bump makers receive a bribe of 100,001 meat and will be listed as first tier bribers - Eldecrok (promised), Carslyle (promised)

Second Tier - The next 10 bump makers receive a bribe of 10,001 meat and will be listed as second tier bribers.

Third Tier - After 20, all bump makers receive a bribe of 11 meat.

I See You

I may occasionally peek into the ICanHazChat RadioKol channel. If I see you, you win 10,001 meat.

Occasional Trivia

This may or may not be announced ahead of time. Blue message Criswell. The contest ends when I receive 15 answers, 10 correct answers. Correct answerers receive 100,001 meat. I may drop a hidden clue earlier in the show without telling you. If you catch the clue you receive an additional 100,001 meat, which you will get even if you get the answer wrong. Chatbot will roll down the stairs from among correct answerers and the winner will receive an additional 1,000,001 meat. I will test the question on a DJ before the contest. That DJ is disqualified from winning and cannot be used as a lifeline resource.

Print out these rules, memorize them, tear the paper in half, eat the upper half, burn the lower half.

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